Tuesday, April 8, 2014

FROM MARCH MADNESS TO APRIL FOOLS?

Hollywood Stylist Calls Out Vladimir Putin on the Red Carpet!

                            The Defiant Rachel Zoe is seen In Kiev holding a protest sign (Lower, Center)

THIS IS NO "PROJECT RUNWAY" PRESIDENT PUTIN

Rachel Zoe is the latest celebrity to support Human Rights taking an upfront role in the Ukrainian showdown crisis with the Russian Federation. Tension builds each day as Russian troop’s position on the borders.

In a press release, Ms Zoe reveals she came to feel a compulsion, sort of an “epiphany” to take on Russian President Vladimir Putin. “Believe me, I am not Angelina Jolie. Hell no! I certainly am not here to adopt oodles of children. One is enough!”

“My fear is Ukrainian couture will disappear…if there is a couture at all. If Putin forces invade, no doubt harsh and punitive control will prevail over the arts, theater and fashion design and the stylist striving to find their niche in a country void of 21st century life. The Ukraine can only progress through alignment with Western Europe. The revival of  the “Retro 30’s & 40’s” popular during World War Eleven (II) evident even today may become 'ga-Zoe-bal chic."

As I viewed the early demonstrations in Kiev, I witnessed the peaceful demonstrators fired upon by trained riot police. Immediately, Teresa Guidice, RHONJ came to mind. Teresa rallied her family offering comfort and hope to the victims of Hurricane Sandy. Teresa began scouring closets gathering clothing contributions. Rachel in recalling the moment began to tear. Teresa Guidice set a new bar in charity when she proclaimed, “Even poor people deserve designer clothing.”






Rachel Zoe is the latest celebrity to support Human Rights taking an upfront role in the Ukrainian showdown crisis with the Russian Federation. Tension builds each day as Russian troop’s position on the borders. As seen here, Rachel displays her defiance.

Second, Vladimir Putin threatens the people’s basic freedoms of speech, electing leaders and parliament from within the same people and freedom to dress as they see fit. “It is a fundamental human right to dress and accessorize with the ‘бабушка babushka’ just as the bourke.

In a press conference specifically for Russian, Crimean, Moravian, Estonians, Latvians and Polish media, reporters assiduously took notes as well as snap photos with prized Polaroid cameras.

Rachel then moved from the podium as she barely grasped a cloth with two fingers, stepped closer to "her press corp" while simultaneously maintaining between her body and this cloth. Instinctively, the audience took one step in retreat as if the "red babushka" was from a vintage clothing store in Chernobyl. 



“Personally, I cannot imagine…just yet, ...what to do with this" while shaking it. If I attempt to incorporate this ...babushka in my high-end and trend setting line. Oh my Jesus, I mean...only Cher might have the balls to use it babushka in concert. Wouldn't that be cherry-licious if Cher walked out to the SRO Joe Louis Arena where the crowd anticipated my newest "innovation." Oh yes, and the Red Wings will distribute their "waving towels" to the audience.

"This is a challenge to my art. I am terrified. I will have one anxiety attack after another anticipating something never before seen on Bravo. I will need to stabilize breathing. Roger will try to hand me a paper sack as his 'contribution,' sacrifice of a real job to support my art. I have news for you Roger Zoe, only a new Gucci bag is acceptable.” 
(It is one of those reality asides for a Roman Polansky videographer, "Do you get it, Roger?")

One reporter who demanded anonymity only escalated Rachel Zoe fear when he posed  “How will you respond to Joan Rivers’s exclamation, “A babushka! Oye Vie…who are you wearing tonight?” 

Ms Zoe exclaimed the newest designer label, Vladimir is ‘niche,’ sexy and such a fox…and a man’s man. Look at him in that, a mink hat. If need arises I will pursue the Russian President to immerse him in borscht couture to satisfy his harshest critics. Oh, he can afford it! I want to persuade Vladimir to introduce his own unique line of unisex clothing, for men, women and gays. I have a vision of all Eastern Europe draped in fur from Minsk.”



                                      Mink is back on the Red Carpet Rachel proclaimed!






Rachel’s artful selling campaign will not end in Eastern Europe. She plans to crash the much-anticipated George W. Bush Art Exhibit at the Crawford County State Fair. George captures the Putin mystique and it is so “chic.” It portrays Vladimir as a firm leader, tenuous ally and endearing. After all, George W. Bush saw him as a "regular guy, a cowboy and bareback rider partner. "He's a  really strong guy" the former President is rumored to say.

Lastly, Rachel said her biggest regret over past style seasons is to allow Brad Gorsky go his own way. 
Had I kept Brad on, I would delegate him to take charge of all production, promotion and sales of the Vladimir label. If it failed or received only the disdain of the Russian President, who better than Brad to find himself re-inventing himself in Siberia?


Revised April 9, April 12, 2014 

(Note: If the font appearance appears inconsistent, I have know idea why. Ask Rachel Ray.