Saturday, April 1, 2017

BREAKING BAD: ALL THE REAL NEWS OF THE DAY - WHITE HOUSE SQUEEZES PAST FLYNN SAGA

April 1, 2017 - Dateline Washington D.C.

President Trump Addresses Flynn Claim of Immunity Comparing it with a Baseball "Squeeze Play"

You May Be Thinking The Same As Jim Leyland "How The Hell Did I Get In This Mess?
Or, why is the spacing so off? I am baffled as anyone.

Shawn Spicer Spins White House Press Corp Asking Aren't YouTired of the USA Winning?

Spicer followed up hinting Steve Bannon plans to rename the residence at 1600 Pennsylvania as "CASA BLANCA" as a counter strategy to those of Mexican Heritage and not confuse Trump Tower as the tower of power as this week's top story among fake news media has been the controversy surrounding former Chief Intelligence Officer Michael Flynn with what the President describes CNN propagation of another fake news story.

"This is the fake media, fake news as a "Blitzer" upon the public exclaimed the President through fall guy Shawn Spicer. At an early dawn press briefing, Spicer stated for the record "all of this talk is as phony as Russian Dressing on a Cobb Salad.

Washington print and media reporters have given "unfair coverage to the Flynn story calling it just a "long fly ball splicing foul at the Left Field pole."

"The Splicer" (Shawn's secret pet name among the press) now claims the media has "blown the call" and hints at coach Bannon's advice, the President may challenge the umpire for a "formal review of the play."

Jared Kushner, the key White House unpaid advisor on Foreign Policy states unequivocally and absolute certainty, that the GoPro surveillance captured "clear" and "convincing" replays to overturn the call of immunity because Michael Flynn's "big toe never touched base while running out a routine groundball to shortstop the Truth. Kushner was heard to "cry foul" as CNN Wolf Blitzer pressed his ear to the wall. (Blitzer has been benched from the press corp}.

"Flynn was too late to claim immunity when TV broadcasters stepped aside for a commercial break."

White House top Nationalist Steve Bannon expresses doubt that Flynn's precarious lead from first is just another desperate media pickoff move by Democrats and leftwing pitchers. Sore election losers as the timing of a throw to catch the White House off the bag is sour peanuts.

"If Flynn gets safely into second" claims Bannon, "the House Unintelligence Committee and Chair Rep Nunes will hear "clubhouse banter" substitution as testimony stemming from last season's losing democratic pennant race. Anything they submit is merely hearsay and "bullpen trash talk" that is never taken seriously by the game's best managers and starting major league players (such as favorite Washington Nats, not to be confused with right-wing Nationalists of the not too Breitbart News).

Bannon then challenged his captured audience with "What would you do if I sang out of tune, would you stand up and walk out on me?"
An unknown spokesperson is attributed in throwing a spitball claiming "since the top of inning one, the sore losers within the democracy are pushing a hit and run by pressing for unnecessary and fake testimony. They hope to convince the House Committee on Counter Intelligence that off-season meddling did occur. reveal about Trump campaign collusion with Russia and Vladimir Putin.

As the Press Secretary made his bid to wrap up a White House ninth inning save, KellyAnne Conway cleverly slid her smartphone under her bag and made her way to the mound sending Spicer to the showers. In her unique Ivanka style, Conaway put forth her patented perspective, "we don't know what intelligence information the President may be privy. I mean Afterall, he is President and this is another APRIL FOOL!

A second Spicer (or spicier release) is while the "fake news" Media speculates what the White House will strategize to sidestep the Russian Investigation, the President left his office forgetting to sign new executive orders.

The President retreated to the Oval office and began backtracking to a previous event, the WBC (World Baseball Classic) taking credit for USA First Victory. It is reported that the President began penning his own story with quiet manipulative language native to his humble Brooklyn upbringing.

President Trump is determined to inform if not iterate and reiterate it was his guile, his guidance that led to the first USA Championship two weeks ago in the World Baseball Classic.*

Spicer released secret documentation that months ago, the President met with team General Mgr. Joe Torre (former NY Yankee), convincing through a "beautiful negotiation" insisting that Jim Leyland was the only choice to be named Manager of Team USA. Trump said the former Tiger manager is the only man that could defeat a "ragtag Latin gangs."

The President claims and Spicer stands behind him that these teams are a "field of misguided dreams" and they are undocumented players snuck onto Latin team rosters.

He holds countries such as the Dominican Republic, where they employ a massive "wiretapping of illegal recruiting" of aliens to their rosters by way of unknown MLB Intelligence agents.

The President has hinted that Raoul Castro was behind the interference in player selection to "sway the outcome of the event."

Trump boasted "We are going to win so much, you're going to get tired of winning!" KellyAnne Con-her-way followed up on Fox News with the exclamation of APRIL FOOL!


* Wall Street conjectures are that Trump's pronounced claims with MLB and WBC is a prelude to an upcoming purchase of the New York Yankees by Jared Kushner. It is widely held belief that Kushner will use his $700 million profits from real estate windfalls to acquire the team for the global Trump empire. Oh, that is the Ivanka Trump business empire.