DETROIT- HAMTRAMCK, SHOULD WELCOME UKRAINE’S REFUGEES

 AGENDA ITEMS FOR THIS LAME DUCK PRESIDENT

As this president nears what is the inevitable, White House staffers are undertaking a daunting task. They are to guide Trump to his promises and new proposals to serve his legacy.

In his waning days, President, Donald Trump is expected to issue his final executive orders as follows. 

• Tariffs fail to hold China accountable for the inferior products they export to America. In rural Georgia a lone manufacturer utilizes trees indigenous to their State. They produce chopsticks; China considers as best in the world and imports billions each year. Trump is expected to order the company to intentionally export chopsticks made from inferior trees thus doomed to fail. 
• Order the Army Corps of Engineers to build an unscalable 12-foot wall enclosing Mar A Lago. 
• The President is expected formally appeal to the PGA rules to include a weed-whacker to the official number of golf clubs. 
• Under the Emergency Power Production Act proclaim all No. 2 pencils actually be a No. 2 pencil. The new pencil must apply with the same density of a black sharpie.  Pencils are to be constructed with a resistance to a broken point. It will be introduced as the People Crossword Protection Act. 
• Pencil sharpeners must produce a uniform point. An eraser should actually erase leaving no smudge obscuring voter ballots and conceal redactions in confidential documents.
• Rubber bands require little explanation. They break after two uses. The only source to retrieve an acceptable rubber band is to save those that of asparagus. 
•  A renunciation of VP Mike Pence as official scapegoat and loser. He will be cited as an under performer, overrated and to blame for the failure of the White House Covid Task Force during his tenure.  Trump will cite his only contribution was to laminate the White House 15 steps to protect from coronavirus which he displayed at every press briefing.
• His Presidential Library will be unlike any other. A tower will be constructed of multiple floors with empty shelves. Presidential Papers will be transcripts of all “perfect calls” stored in a secret server in the Ukraine. 
• Order Steven Miller to compile a document (power point) listing every action where the president has achieved more for blacks than that of Abraham Lincoln. 
• Quietly direct Jared to identify all the locations where the president and family may seek asylum. 
• Issue the order for Don Jr. to keep his mouth shut and for his publisher to take his book out of circulation. 

Over the past two months, White House staff huddle at the water cooler or meet in an obscure “fact room” in the West Wing in their clandestine effort. They refer to it as the Giuliani closet. They tire of his mandate in scouring the country in a search for the illegal ballots and an avalanche of requests for pardons crossing their desk. It is time to exercise all effort to address the people’s agenda.

When an unidentified source among career employees was questioned as to their motive and if it can be seen as a betrayal to the administration there was no hesitation in to whisper.  

“As badgered as we are in scouring for dumped ballots, we want to return to the core issues many believe are ones to that best serves the people. We work individually and surreptitiously to compile a list. We are forced to communicate by SnapChat and interoffice cell calls. Fortunately, we can hear his bellowing … the cursing when he nears.” 

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